I'm not really excited, exactly, but I'm not dreading it as much as I was.
I am trying to get through this massive pile of reading but not doing very well, which doesn't bode very well for the term ahead...
I've also had massive drama about paying for accommodation that I won't go into, but rest assured, it's very irritating and very stressful.
All this, plus my friends leaving and hearing some news about my dad, is surprisingly not affecting me that much.
I've had some slip-ups, and I have been triggered, but they really do feel like slip-ups, an odd-one-out, and not just giving in to thoughts that are constantly there...
Food is still stressing me out, though. I can never decide what to have, if it's healthy enough, if it's too much, too little, has too much fat, too much salt...
I'm not obsessive, but I'm constantly worrying.
It makes me miss the 'rules' of my behaviours, but I'm trying to remember they never simplify anything... I just feel like I'm treading water at the deep end at the minute.
Hopefully I will feel a bit more balanced once I get to uni and get settled in, but I have a feeling this won't be as easy as it currently is for long... I'm worried about having an en-suite, looking after my own budget, having no one looking over my shoulder... I don't want to be ill; I don't want to waste my time with it, but to be honest there's nothing I want to do instead. And I worry that I'm leaving so much behind here that when I actually get to uni there'll be even less to try for.
Still... I am trying to remember what I am looking forward to, and focus on the positives... The beautiful place I'll be living, for example. :) I'm clutching at straws more than I think I should be, but I'm trying. I figure there'll be time enough for worrying later.
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