BFW - The Value of Hurt

This is the first post from the Blogging for Wellbeing 'Empowerment, Strength and Overcoming' theme. I love the direction this is going in and think it could lead to some really interesting posts from the group :)

Through everything I've been through - and mostly, that has meant everything I have put myself through - I have often thought that I would not wish that hell on another person. Not even someone I hated with a passion (I can't imagine that, but even if I did). I can't deny that it really was hell  and I wouldn't go through the worst of those days willingly again if you paid me, but neither would I erase it all. That would be the easy option - I am struggling to erase the stains left behind from those many, many bad days - but I would never sacrifice what I have gained from them.

The days I was suicidal have made me appreciate with joy the days I wake up with excitement (for anything). The days I wouldn't allow myself to eat and sat in self-hatred, anguish and anxiety have meant that I don't take for granted a single bite of my favourite foods, or the energy running through me allowing to do what I want and what I need, or the way my body seems to click now. I am grateful every day for being able to read, to climb stairs easily... I have a long way to go but it is wonderful to appreciate how far I have come.

I wonder now what I would have become had everything been different. I think that really a great deal would have been the same. I think some essential things would have been the same (see image - "you always were") but I would never want to sacrifice the gratitude I now have.